Essay 2 Redraft Feedback.

You have so many good points in here, if they were properly structured with a strong conclusion it would be a B grade or above. It is better, but still hovering around level 3 (C+).

Level 3

Explanation/analysis/argument (12-15 marks)

Candidates adapt their learning to the specific requirements of the chosen question well, in the main. The answer offers a sensible, mostly clear balance of media theories and knowledge of industries and texts, with a proficient attempt at personally engaging with issues and debates.

Use of examples (12-15 marks)

Examples of theories, texts and industry knowledge are connected together in places, and a clear argument is proficiently developed in response to the question. History and the future are discussed with relevance.

Use of terminology (6-7 marks)

Material presented is mostly informed by contemporary media theory, articulated through use of appropriate theoretical terms.

Relatively straightforward ideas have been expressed with some clarity and fluency. Arguments are generally relevant, though may stray from the point of the question. There will be some errors of spelling, punctuation and grammar but these are unlikely to be intrusive or obscure meaning.